Journal 8/30/05

Posted by Ms. Babble
August 30, 2005

***Due to military policy, I will not reveal movement dates, times, unit strength, or identification.  Everything expressed in this blog is the opinion and observation of the author.***
North Riverside Armory, Illinois

August 30th 2005   2040 hr

This is the night before we leave for Ft. McCoy, Wisconsin.  The bus arrives at 0800 tomorrow.  Honestly, I can’t wait for it to arrive.  I’ve spent the last 3 months waiting and waiting and waiting… knowing the inevitable would arrive.  The support I’ve received has been phenomenal.  I’m sitting on the drill floor waiting for the few remaining families to say their goodbyes.  My father left 30 minutes ago.  It wasn’t sad at all for me.  You can only say goodbye so many times before you become desensitized.

I’m starting to feel cold.  I’m already feeling my brain’s instinct to shut off what was my past.  This seems to be the only way I know how to cope.  It makes me feel stronger.   It’s so effective that sometimes I wonder if I’m not just an insensitive person.  No.  I’ve had my cries.  I’ve had my emotional moments.  Now it’s time to get this shit done and get home… and emotion has no place here.

I’m watching the young lovers… hands wrapped around each other’s hips.  I’m seeing young children crying and consoling adults.  Why is this necessary?  It only makes matters worse.  They thought it was a good idea to throw one last hurrah and have everyone’s families come support their troops the night before we leave.  Personally, I think it’s just making time drag even slower.

I think the excitement to go and motivation in the air right now is being confused.  I believe everyone has the mindset that this is something that must be done…no choice in the matter.  So the sooner we head off, the sooner we get home.

Tomorrow’s bus trip is supposed to take 4 hours.  I’m nervous to see what our new home for the next 2 months will be like.  Boredom, stress, pain, boredom.  That is my prophecy.

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