Journal 11/15/05

Posted by Ms. Babble

November 15, 2005

Iâ€™ve been in Iraq for 2 weeks now. I delayed in writing an entry here because I didnâ€™t think I could have properly processed everything that was happening. Honestly, I donâ€™t think my hesitation has done any good because it still all seems very cloudy.

We had a fairly smooth ride into Iraq. After several unsuccessful attempts to get out on a C-130 (equipment trouble), they finally put us in a HUGE military aircraft resembling a commercial 747. The only difference (besides the paint job) was the way most of the inside was gutted. Rows of commercial type seating filled the hull and the wingspan could be seen going directly through the whole aircraft. It was quite an amazing sight.

Weâ€™ve settled right into our trailers which are really just long boxes with beds. Stacked neatly on top of each other, Iâ€™m instantly reminded of college dorms or poor apartments down greek row. Good news? Air conditioning. Bad news? Itâ€™s frickinâ€™ freezing out here! So the air conditioners donâ€™t do much good. The nights get down to 50 degrees. Iâ€™m sure compared to Chicago weather right now, thatâ€™s darn right tropical. But after spending time in Kuwait, I had gotten used to the 90+ degree weather.

Ok. So, whatâ€™s the danger factor at the camp Iâ€˜m at? Relative to being in downtown Baghdad, this place is quite safe. We get shelled. We get small arms fire. We get bombed. We get people stealing weapons. We get explosive devises planted in camp. But RELATIVE to everywhere else in Iraq, Iâ€™m pretty much just walking the streets of Chicago. Well, maybe Iâ€™m trying to put everyone at ease. The fact of the matter is, bombs come in but rarely hit much of anything. Sometimes theyâ€™re closer than I like to believe. Sometimes theyâ€™re so far away, I canâ€™t even hear it. Anyways, this is still an issue Iâ€™m trying to come to terms with. The feeling of having absolutely no control over what may happenâ€¦.of being that random person that just happens to be walking down street X going to building Z at any particular time.

Iâ€™m finding myself listening to a lot of lyrics. Iâ€™m feeling a lot more emotional about everything. Iâ€™m wishing I had kept in touch with more people and taken the time to have really gotten to know others. I feel very self contained. Self reliance is how Iâ€™m coping. I know everyone is there for me, but itâ€™s hard to really convey whatâ€™s going on out here and up there in my head. In fact, Iâ€™m not even sure I understand either.

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