Evangeli-wha?: Journal 4/6/06
Believe it or not, I went to church last Sunday. I honestly can’t remember the last church service I had been to. I wouldn’t be suprised if it’s been over 10 years. (I’m not including weddings or funerals of course.) I went partly for my own amusement. And I also went to show respect for a few people here in my unit. I was raised Evangelical Christian and was quite active in the church when I was a young girl. Youth groups. Sunday school. Sunday service. And every summer I would attend a week long Christian youth outreach program in Wisconsin.Â
When I turned 14, I moved away from the church. I realized that there were many things about myself that the church didn’t approve of. But underneath it all, I still knew I was a good person with good values. Yet, according to the scripture, I was still damned . None of this made sense. I started to see the hypocrisy. I saw the HUGE beautiful churches and the overflowing collection plates. The fancy clothes people wore in their fancy shiny cars. And just a few miles down the road, people were starving. People were in poverty. People were at war. At that age all I could think was that something had gone horribly wrong somewhere along the road of the organized Christian religion.Â
The service I attended last Sunday was just as I remembered. Singing and preaching and singing and preaching. They used simple and powerful words over and over again: Love, Strength, Hope. In this particular service, the pastor examined (word for painful word) the Lord’s Prayer (Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…etc).   There were no huge revelations but rather just a further foundation of how the bible tells us to pray. I was beginning to space off (just as I used to when I was a kid)…the monotone of the preacher taking ahold of my sleepy head (I had just come off an overnight 12 hour shift). Then one word jerked me awake… aba.
No, aba does not refer to the super pop sensation from Sweden, Abba! It’s one of the first words I learned in Hebrew which is spelled aleph bet aleph; it means father. When I started talking to E. from Israel, I began picking up words from her as I was simultaniously giving myself a crash course in Middle Eastern history, policy, and religion.
The pastor off handedly commented that in the origional language of the bible, the English word father was spelled Aba by the Greeks. I was confused. Surely this man would know that the bible, at least the Old Testament, was origionally written in Hebrew. And from what little I know in Hebrew, I know Aba means father. According to the Greek dictionary, pateras is father. Anyways, I have a point in here somewhere. And even if I am wrong (which I encourage anyone to correct me if I am) my point is this:
Misinterpretation. It’s like the telephone game. By the time the message gets to you, it isn’t quite right. Sometimes we just can’t take someones word for it. When it comes to something like religion, I tend to analyze everything. Some may think I don’t take it seriously. That maybe I’m blowing off something as important as the saving of my soul. But I look at it in the opposite way. I care about my soul enough to really try and understand religion.Â
And I know, I know. The root of any true believer in any religion is to just have faith. We are supposed to just take someones word for it and have absolute faith in that authority. I’m supposed to believe that my religion is the only true way and that all others are damned. Well, I’m sorry. I just can’t do it. If I have absolute faith in Jesus Christ, then the Muslims are going to hell. If I have absolute faith in Muhammad, then the Jews are going to hell. Who is right… who is wrong… anger rises…wars are fought… people die.
Gah.
My dog tags read “No Rel Pref”. I believe in the human spirit. I believe that all of us are inherently good. I have respect for all religions as long as they practice peace and understanding. But I refuse to associate myself as one or the other. I can’t say that one religion is better over another. All I can do is live my life as a positive and contributing human in our world. And if that means I’m going to hell because I don’t have the faith to be called a Christian….. then so be it.
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