Happy Easter aka Lot’s O’ Mortors! Journal 4/13/06
Apparently, the Iraqi’s don’t particularly enjoy this weeks holidays: Passover, Good Friday, & Easter. At least, that’s my assumption. It’s been several months since the attack rate has been this high in my area. (As far as I can recall.) I will admit that it’s had me a bit on edge. Especially since the alarms are only going off during my sleep cycle. Since I’ve been on the night shift, I’ve been going to bed around noon. And it’s not a good feeling to be jarred awake by alarms or people knocking on your door to get you into a bunker.
I find some comfort in writing here in this blog. Even if I notice myself masking a lot of my emotions from this journal (I am painfully aware that friends, family, and strangers read it), it is still a form of release. I think it’s just the thought of people actually reading it that makes me feel better. It gives me a sense of not being alone.Â
When I was at home on leave for 2 weeks, I started having my first nightmares of this place. I dreamt about huge military planes and helicopters dive bombing me over and over again. I found myself nearly throwing myself off of my bed from loud booms in other dreams. I would be dreaming pleasantly about nothing in particular when a loud explosion would jar my body into a convulsion. And in my consciousness, telephone rings and car hornes sounded like incoming alarms and radio traffic.Â
And back here in Iraq, the trailer I live in is starting to feel like a coffin. It’s a hole I retreat to. A vampire in his cave. A grizzly gone to hibernate. Solitary confinement. Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, I can hear the jets and the medical evacuation helicopters flying right over my head. I’ve been here for 6 months. Wouldn’t a person get used to the sounds by now?
There is a reason why most of us can’t sleep. And we shouldn’t be ashamed to admit why. I know it could be worse. I know we could be seeing a lot more horror. But this place will change everyone in some way no matter how much or how little of the terror we experience.Â
On May 1st, I pull escort duty for the first time. Apparently, myself and one other guard will be taking local Iraqi’s to the hospital so that they can visit their relatives getting medical assistance from us. It’s more of a courtesy than anything else. Like guard tower duty, this is also 7 days long. I will of course keep updates here once I have more to write about it.
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