**Disclaimer: The majority of this journal entry is just ranting. Forgive me.**

Eventually, we get to the point of indifference. Within 30 minutes of sitting up in that guard tower again, I had an overwhelming feeling of apathy. I was looking at the same trees, the same moat, the same people, the same concrete, the same village. I had completely lost the alertness that comes with being in a new environment. During this 3rd week of guard tower duty, my biggest challenge was making it through without strangling my partner.

I am totally astounded by how ignorant and idiotic most people are. Every time a new person is shoved up the tower with me, I tell myself, “This one is going to be better than the last.” Instead, I find myself dissapointed with each one. I was happy that I would be with another female soldier for the week. Previously, I always seemed to get stuck with a guy who was still struggling to get past his 13 year old persona. I thought that maybe another female soldier would have some things in common with me. Perhaps we could actually have a decent discussion while watching the sun rise.

Instead, I was assaulted by mundane events in her life. It was a never ending stream of “I, me, mine”. Her husband… her kid.. her cars… her weight… her room mate.. her high school. And to make matters worse, she had an incredibly thick Mexican accent. So I was constantly asking her to repeat herself which, that in itself, can cause my anger to boil over.

All I wanted in life at that moment was for her to fall asleep. I am personally aware when someone wants me to shut up. There are some fairly obvious signs of this: ignoring someone when asked a question… pretending to be snoring… telling them “I don’t give a fuck about Britanny Spears.” But no. She was totally oblivious to this! And just kept talking and talking and talking.

And with every little thing that happened during the watch, she would ask me about it in a shaky nervous voice. With this being both of our third times pulling the duty, I wondered why she was getting excited over crap that has happened a dozen other times. I’ve gotten used to artillary rounds being launched out of the base, the same trucks driving around, the farmers going to work, the helicopters doing test fires, and flares being popped.

She turned to me on one of the first days of this duty and says, “Women really do belong at home. I mean, we are so much better at taking care of the household things.” I ended up just staring at her with a gaping mouth… not even knowing where to start with her.

I’m tired of trying to explain different perspectives to these people. None of them are listening anyway. Everyone I’ve talked to out here outside of my own unit is either racist, sexist, ignorant, or just very very American. I’m throwing my hands up at all of them.

And it scares me that these attitudes may be the true colors of my country. I’m starting to think that maybe I was a bit sheltered by the group of people I normally surround myself with. Perhaps my tower guard partners are a good representation of the American masses. It really does make an individual feel so very powerless when thinking about making changes.

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