Just a reflection, that’s all
Last night was the Melissa Ferrick concert who was opened by Bitch (of Bitch & Animal fame). They’re both amazing, beautiful, sickeningly talented musicians who I absolutely enjoyed watching. I was able to see Bitch’s complete set which was my intention anyways. She has such an incredible talent for rhythm! She played a mixture of bass, ukelele, electric violin, and rhythmic shakers. (She mentioned the name of these shakers which were tethered together by a string. The name has completely escaped me though.) It was inspiring to be entranced by such a minimalist set as minimalism is something I strive for too.
I missed a majority of the Ferrick set though. She’s wonderful too but my attention just wasn’t tuned into what she had to offer. If anyone would ask me why I went back downstairs to the bar after only the first four songs were played, I’d say it was because I wanted a beer (It was an 18+ show and they didn’t serve upstair for the show.) and because the smoke in such a small venue was killing me.
Those reasons are partially true. But in reality I wasn’t feeling very whole. It was actually a fairly momentous night as all the “old gang” was together in one place again. Most of the people who used to convene at this place in years past all of a sudden found themselves there again. I anticipated how much fun it would be to have that sort of night again, just like in the days past. Cheap beer. Good conversation. Of feeling that absolute sense of belonging and love and respect for the people closest to me.
But I was having an “angry day”. That’s what I call them now. A day when I wake up and just feel really pissed off at the most asinine things. And on these days I have to force amusement or conversation. Of all the days I had to wake up this way! I was actually pissed off that I was pissed off.
And through the fog of my own internal changes, I could sense how everyone else has floated down their own paths too. We aren’t bound the same as we were but we all still love each other none-the-less. Because of that love, I know that we’ll all still care about each other’s lives.
It’s the morphing of connections. It’s the odd way that life creates these constant changes in our heads. To “grow up”… whatever the hell that means.
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“It’s the morphing of connections. It’s the odd way that life creates these constant changes in our heads. [AND HEARTS] To “grow upâ€â€¦ whatever the hell that means.”
Forgive me, but I had to add my own two cents to your thought above…because anger, is an emotion, and I’m not quite sure if it pertains to something as logical as say “our heads”. *to self: “Oh yeah Julie…like that even applies coming from you!! haha”
Anyway, I’ve been struggling a bit with this whole concept. Maybe most people do. In fact, the past few weeks have been particularly astringent.
I like to think of myself as a mucho optimistic individual, but I too have those angry days…maybe not entire days, but several moments, or emotional jilts throughout a given day, that give rise to a sense of bitterness and/or resentment. Especially in the midst of the demise of my recent relationship. And yes, relationships are constantly changing, and peoples paths tend to cross at some point time - vere away - and often come together again. This second collision (more literal in some cases than others)is always so very different than the first. But yes, it is the time spent apart on our respective paths during which the “original” connection changes. Experiences, and perceptions, inevitably become one’s own, rather than that of a collective group. Meaning that, when we are young, we tend to run in packs so to speak. Friends attend the same local grade-school, have the same classes, watch the same TV shows, etc. Children/young teenagers know only of the existence of a tiny world, that which is shared by all…clothing and trends move in and out of this little network at the same pace. Without even trying, the “pack” becomes quite uniform.
However, upon the second lap, journeys have been extremely diverse, and the part of us that was one of “them” has now gotten to complex to fit into such a tiny holding cell. We have become INDIVIDUALS, and the world has become almost overwhelmingly VAST giving way to endless possibility, hopes, dreams and FEARS.
The beauty of this second meeting, is that it is much more conducive to continued growth. It’s a chance to meet this person again, but this time, being able to exchange stories of separate worlds, likes, dislikes, experiences, etc. It can at times be a double-edged sword. The simplicity of the common worls no longer exists, which means it takes extra effort (and interest) to re-acqaint oneself with a friend of old. But there is so much more to be learned. That being said, the shared beliefs, ways of relating, etc., may no longer exist, making for a much more distant or loose connection. One consolation…since we generally know what is important to us as adults, it is easier to sift through a large number of people to find a few with who you can flourish, than it would be for INDIVIDUALS to be re-assigned to said childhood pack, with the high odds of no longer being able to relate to one another on a level that is satiating.
OK, back to work. I just had to take a moment to vent some of MY internal struggles as of late. Thank you for sharing your revelation. That being said, I am certainly glad I was not able to make it to the concert. Turns out, I had to take a different fork in the road.
Peace, Djulie