Basic Training Candy Regrets
For years I’ve had a reoccurring memory from basic training. It’s funny that one of the military memories that has stuck with me the most is from a time of relative safety.
It was lunch time at Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri. (We called the place Ft. Lost in the Woods, state of Misery.) We had already done our hour long morning run and class room session. Our Drill Sergeant brought us all into our platoon room; the room where he taught us how to fold our towels, salute, and do countless numbers of pushups.
We were given MRE’s to eat that day (Meal Ready to Eat). Lunch in airtight bags. The epitomy of slop. The kind of food expected out of the army. But most of us looked forward to them because in each brown plastic bag there was a different sugary snack. Most of us hadn’t eaten sugar in it’s more condensed processed form in over a month at that point. The MRE was a blessing in disguise. I could literally get high off of one pack of Tootsie Rolls with as little sugar I was consuming.
On this day though, the Drill Sergeant brought in a large cardboard box and tossed it on the floor in front of us. He said, “After you open your MRE’s, I want everyone to take the sugar snack out of their package and toss it in this box. If I find that any one of you has eaten your candy, I’ll have you lay on your back with your arms and legs stretch towards the ceiling for the remainder of the day.” (It was the dreaded Dead Cockroach punishment!)
He then unceremoniously left the room.
We looked at each other. None of us said a word. But one by one, each soldier brought their Skittles, pound cakes, or cookies up to the front of the room and clunked it into the box. I held my Tootsie Rolls in my hand for several minutes imagining how good they would taste and deciding if I could just cram them in my mouth while the Drill Sergeant was gone. But I was afraid of the consequences. I was already afraid of disobeying an order even one so assanine as this one.
The box filled up and the Drill Sergeant still didn’t return. After 20 minutes of staring at the box filled with sugary goodness, one or two people actually got up and took their snack back. They ate it whole before even sitting back down. I looked at them in disgust and wondered how they could ignore such a clear order. I imagined how much pain they would endure when he came back, counted how many pieces were taken from the box, and knew immediately that not everyone followed his order. I was pissed that he would punish us all if those fools didn’t confense to taking them!
But in the end nothing happened. He never took the box. He never counted how many pieces were in there. He didn’t speak another word of this unusual order given to us. No one was punished. And there I was, the fool that followed such a mind screwing order. A lesson in following a superior. Dooped.
Even though I’ve had much more traumatic memories than this in my military career, this is one that really gets me bristled. It’s an odd feeling of thinking you have chosen the more honorable decision but in the end regretting it.
Popularity: 21% [?]
Other Posts You May Enjoy!
Comments
That is just wrong. Damned wrong. Mental gymnastics in the highest form… I will buy you tootsie rolls Jami. * wink *
A guy in my platoon ate a twinkie, and it resulted in the entire platoon getting smoked for two hours. Oh, well, coulda been worse…coulda been three.
i used to get “fruit leathers” mailed to me disguised in envelopes marked “do not bend” from my sister. i ate every single one of them in my rack under my blanket. i have no boot camp regrets regarding food items. hope those jumbo sweet tarts help ease the pain. 
I knew boot camp had to be rough when I found out just how excited Betsy was about getting fruit leathers.
Funny. I also had Basic in Ft Lost in the Woods!! It was in 1991 though….and all the male sergeants tried to do back then was just sleep with ya….YIKES!
They actually snuck a picture of me eating a hostess chocolate cupcake, sitting with a bunch of males, with no other females around, and put it in the annual. Heh heh, the drill sergeant was p.o’d. when he saw it. But, basic was over by that point and he had ost interest. Thank God for apathy.
Being the Dental nerd that I am, think of the sugar that did not sit on your teeth and did not cause decay. As delicious as your tootsie roll sounded, I think not getting a cavity out of it is a positive outlook on not such a positive event.
Simone Rubin on 
Keith on 
One of the guys in my basic unit ate a hostess cherry pie–he was one of the few who scored 300 on the PT test. Result? He got to stand around while the rest of us got smoked for letting him eat it!!! Go figure.