Gynecologists. We love em. We hate em. Boys, please look away.

It was the annual fun time for me yesterday. Just when you think you’ve finally gotten used to the experience, it still comes as a shock once you’re stripped down to nothing (literally and figuratively) and at the mercy of a doctor’s cold latexed hands. Just another fun perk of being a girl, right?

In my experience, I’ve had a different doctor every year. While in college, I used the college docs. Prior to that I was in the Army so I used the Army docs. Now that I’m employed as a corporate monkey, I’m using their health insurance docs. What does this get me? Answering the same damn history questions every time I go.

What are your health risks?
Does your family have a history of xxxx?
When was your last period?
Do you use contraceptives?
How many days between periods?

And of course there was a slew of sexual history inquiries. (I’ll leave those to your imagination.)

In the end, the survey questions took three times as long as the exam. I had a lovely nurse who had that amazing nurse gift of making a person feel safe talking about personal things. But then, quite randomly, she leaned into me and almost whispered, “You’ll be seeing Dr. Random Male Physician today. You know we have a great female physicians assistant who could have done this exam for you.”.

Mind you this is before the doctor arrived. It was just her and I in a little exam room. It’s normally my preference to have a female doctor do my exams but when I requested one while making the appointment, I was told all the female doctors were booked a full two months in advance. Beggars can’t be choosers, right?

But the nurse leaned closer to my ear and said, “Next time, make sure you ask for our P.A. She’s quite wonderful. They should have given you that option when you made the appointment.” How’s that for easing my anxiety over having a male doctor do my exam?

And, no kidding folks, when the doctor entered, he reminded me of Rick Moranis with that short guy waddle and strange lispy speech. The first word that came into my head was “creep”. But in the end, I survived. The nurse assured me she would be there the whole time and she was. All was well. It was just another exam that lacked a patient/doctor female bond that we share only with female doctors.

Needless to say I couldn’t get my pants on fast enough. See ya, Space Balls! Next time I’ll know to be a little more savy with who I’m scheduling my appointments with.

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