Why in-flight magazines are better than self help books
I’m almost thirty years old and yes I am anticipating a “mid-life crisis” (I think “one-third life crisis” is more accurate - knock on wood that I live until 90- but you understand what I mean). It’s best to embrace the inevitable, I believe.
I don’t think my 30th birthday will be as dramatic as most people’s transitions into thirty-something life mostly because the last few years of my life are what I imagine a mid-life crisis feels like. I think I’ve gotten most of the drama out of the way already. The catalyst was Iraq, of course. I knew that my life would never be the same the second I got on that bus in 2005 to begin my long journey to and back from Iraq. When I returned, it was a roller coaster to say the least. I felt awakened but lost at the same time. Today things feel MUCH clearer about my goals. All of this soul searching is going to save me a lot of headaches and sleepless nights when I turn thirty.
I had “a moment” on my layover flight from Tel Aviv to London in October that I now realize solidifies everything that was eating away at me these last few years. I’m thinking about it now in retrospect since at the time it didn’t dawn on me as anything but just a normal part of a flight. But isn’t that how these things usually happen? Randomly and only realized in retrospect?
On that flight from Tel Aviv to London I was exhausted. I woke up that day at 3:00 am to catch my British Air flight and even though I had grabbed a cup of the strongest cafe coffee in Tel Aviv en route, it took all the energy I could muster to throw my body into the airplane seat.
The man next to me was American but reading the Israeli daily newspaper “Ha’Aretz” (The Land). I found great pleasure knowing that I could at least recognize that much in Hebrew. We were still waiting to take off and since I couldn’t ever pretend to follow a Ha’Aretz article, I glanced around for English reading material. The in-flight entertainment wouldn’t begin until the flight was at cruising altitude. In the seat pocket in front of me I had three options: the flight safety card, Sky Mall magazine, or British Air’s entertainment publication, “High Life”.
I picked up “High Life” and absentmindedly started turning the pages from the back of the magazine to the front (After spending six months in a right-left language culture, I seemed to have retained that much). I mostly looked at the pictures. Reading the articles, even in English, seemed like a lot of work at the time.
The picture of a chef caught my eye. The article was about how he became one of the most exciting and successful chefs in Great Britain. I didn’t actually read it, of course. After we took off and I put the magazine down, I didn’t give it a second thought while I fell asleep on my way to a layover in London.
After a four hour layover in Great Britain, I boarded my flight to Chicago. Little had changed inside the airplane cabin, including the choice of English reading material. So, I was left with “High Life Magazine”…. again. Only this time, when I opened the magazine to a random page in the middle, the same chef from in my previous flight was staring back at me. And so I began to read his story.
He was still very young… in his mid-thirties. He started a restaurant somewhere in Great Britain that struggled to turn a profit for several years. During that time, this young chef worked every day, usually 12 hours although often times more, in order to make his dream a reality. For five years he claimed never to have slept more than four hours every night while working late nights and early mornings. He was married and had a child too who, he admits, supported him unconditionally and is his the main reason for allowing him to be a successful entrepreneur.
When asked how he did it for so many years without knowing if he would become successful he said, “If I failed, I would have had no one else to blame but myself. And the only way I can fail, is if I don’t give 100%. I could never live with myself knowing that I was my only reason for failure.”
Good god is that the truth. Often times we find it easy to blame our failures on everyone else.
I used to blame the military for keeping me from finishing my college degree and continuously deploying me (even though I was the one who signed the contract). I used to blame teachers for assigning too much homework that I didn’t finish because I wanted to hang out with people instead. I used to blame my credit card companies for charging too much interest for crap I bought and making me pay for every month.
But mostly, I would get down on myself for not feeling successful in my life because one circumstance or another was keeping me from becoming a success. I suspect most of us have felt this way.
I’ve accomplished a lot in the last ten years, but I feel that final passionate push is missing. With thirty creeping on, I’m feeling an increasing urgency to simply go after my “projects”. I have all the skills and tools to do it, so why the hell not? If all it takes is energy, effort, gumption, sleeplessness, and support?
I’ll bet I just saved a ton of money reading that in-flight magazine rather than buying a self-help book!
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Comments
Absolutely! I also think half the battle is not being so jaded and really embracing those moments of truth!
It is common for people to have anxiety over certain birthdays. Some because they just don’t like getting older. Others because they haven’t accomplished what they want to yet.
In this day and age, I love to hear the concept of “I am the only one responsible for my failure.” Too many people pass the buck nowadays. While I do think there are outside influences that can make us deviate from the paths we want to take on occasion, it is still our choice as to how we deal with getting back on track. You did get that degree eventually, so while you may have been sidetracked for a while, you did not let your deployments stop you from eventually accomplishing that goal.
I feel lucky to have dealt with every one of those milestone birthdays well. I think the key for me was to set some general goals of what I hoped to accomplish by those dates. 30 - a healthy family and marriage and a decent job teaching. 40 - a masters degree and still maintaining a healthy family and marriage. Now at 45 (and proud of it), I am starting to think about those goals for 50. Do I want to go back to work eventually? Maybe someday, but not yet. I find myself at the point where I am learning more from Heather and who she is and what makes her satisfied and happy. After 21 years raising kids, I find myself wanting to have an impact more on others in need. Heather’s attitude of service to others is rubbing off on me. While I have volunteered in the past, it was always with the things that John and Heather were involved in: their teams at school. So it was still about making their experiences better and being a good mom to them. Now they are grown, and while I am still there to support them, the main job of raising them is done. So for the first time, I am probably in a bit of a crisis. However, I am finding I am adjusting to this empty nest thing pretty well. It’s kind of nice having time to just hang out with your uncle in a quiet house. It’s fun exploring volunteer activities. For the first time in 20 years, taking care of myself is actually on my list of priorities.
So where would you like to be by the time you turn 35 or 40? What would you like to accomplish? Make some goals specific (for instance my masters degree was specific) and some more general. And then think about how to accomplish those. You can do it. You have managed pretty well so far.
There is a Sufi
Saying, “I am the monster that keeps me captive in the desert of my own ignorance”
It’ tough to look objectively and assess how we god ourselves back.
People always do this, we search for others to blame instead of claiming our part.
I love those moments of epiphany. It’s amazing where they come from if we are paying attention.
Have you ever read “celestine prophesies.” or “way of the peaceful warrior”
Take care peace
you’ve made me realize that most of the independent things i enjoy are so that i won’t have anyone else to blame. cos i’m a big blamer… it’s so much easier than admitting your faults. anything that goes wrong in my life is someone else’s fault. i’m such a baby.
if i mess up a painting or a photo (with film) that’s my own dumb fault. even in high school i chose to play tennis, despite being almost 6 feet tall. it’s comforting but frustrating and at the same time can only improve you as a person… i hope.
thanks, jami. i think i needed to hear that and you saved me from reading one of those horrible in-flight mags or self-help books.
p.s. celestine prophecy is a great book
It’s really comforting to read that other people are totally on the same page as I am!! Here’s to our collective successes!!! 
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It’s funny how seemingly meaningless bits along the way in your day to day life end up being the most profound at times. This is great. You may have even inspired me