I’m trying really hard not to write cliches. Shoving too many words onto this page that describe America’s diversity and beauty wouldn’t exactly charm my generally cynical audience. It doesn’t charm myself either. But (and you knew there was a ‘but’) the truth is that it is amazing. Our country is effing spectacular. There is no end to its exploration. It begs for one more turn…. one more mile…. one more day. (Begin humming of the national anthem.)

But I think I love its insanity the most.

While in a New York “hotel” that arguably had the countries smallest rooms, we witnessed a toilet exit the countries smallest elevator. No shit! (da dum, ching.) The elevator hit the lobby floor. The door dinged open. And out came a big white toilet. So what if it was being dragged by two work men. It seemed fitting for a city that smelt like the patrons of the elevators that could barely hold five chihuahuas.

Also for the first time in my life I missed a flight out of O’Hare. A mysterious illness destroyed me for a week (ah hem…bad hummus from the Taste of Chicago) and the morning of our flight I found myself on the bathroom floor heaving. Einat’s caring hand gave me enough strength to drag myself to the airport. But apparently the 10 minutes of vomiting caused us to be 10 minutes late for baggage checkin. 10 minutes! The flight wasn’t for an hour but it was closed for baggages. Thus, closed to us. Needless to say, we found a nice quiet, cozy spot in the terminal and waited five hours for the next flight. Air travel is fantastically boring and painful when sun baked hummus is ripping through your body.

Other observations:

Disney is NOT for families. I can’t understand how a family could survive a Disney park without ripping each others hair out strand by strand. The heat. The lines. The horrible food. The heat. Mom, Dad, thank you. It was for the better that we never went. But there’s always the Dumbo ride. God bless the Dumbo ride.

Graceland in Memphis (that’s Elvis’ pad, yo) is the size of an upper-middle class summer home by todays standards. It was mildly dissapointing. Although he really has some amazing interior decorating. 70’s posh. Oh Elvis, you playa!

New York ain’t got nothin’ on Chicago. Except maybe Central Park. And their subway system is bigger, badder, and faster. Their bums are way more insane also. Congrats New York. You’ve got better bums.

Lastly, if you’re ever in Nashville, remember that the Lipstick Lounge is closed on Mondays. Just sayin’.

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I figured that it would be best to ease myself back into public writing as painlessly and briefly as possible. This is both for your and my safety.

For starters let me just say… I’m back! (Back home and back online.)

The last five weeks were spent with the lovely Einat traveling across this beautiful country; Chicago, New York (Manhatten), Nashville, Memphis, and Orlando. And of course lots of little randomness inbetween. The whole thing has turned out to be such a boost to my mental well being. My heart was lifted. My soul rejuvinated. My eyes re-opened. Even though I’m back at the same crossroad where I was when I graduated (find a job, join the masses, become a shlub), my anxiety seems to be much more under control.

Now that I’m bursting with experiences and words and emotions, all I want to do is write. Isn’t this the way life is supposed to be all the time? Prepare yourself. More to come.

Here are a few hundred photos for you to enjoy.

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I’m back from New York and still scrubbing off the cities grime from my body. And apparently while I was away, americanbabble.com had a momentous occasion. This site logged 10,000 visits!! The winning visitor was my Uncle Scott who took the screenie below.

What did he win? Recognition. A pat on the back. A big ol’ smile from me. um… this post. I think I also have some chewing gum left over from last nights flight. How about sincere gratitude for thinking to take a screen shot.

The prizes are lame, I know. I’ll keep brainstorming.

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